I was going through things on the computer and came across a message I had shared with a few dear friends and it was like fresh air filled me again and tears came to my eyes remembering how much He loves us and how beautiful He made us...
It astonishes me, what I need to endure and experience to get to the point in my life that He can open my eyes. Through these experiences I have come to this understanding: the things that cloud my vision, are the same that dim my heart and keep a significant part of me in captivity. I am stunned that some battles of my heart are won in one stand; yet one battle in particular lingers around and weakens me like kryptonite. What is the difference? How is it some attacks have no chance when they come back for a second round? Somehow, I steadily and confidently stand on the truth I experienced and lived through with the initial fight. The truth I felt and fought with enables me to bring any attempt for another round dismanteled and lifeless on the battlefield. So many great warriors have one great paralyzing weakness. It’s the only thing that keeps these women/men of God with supernatural strength, courage, and endurance from completely inihilating the enemy, IF the enemy has uncovered what it is. My frailty is beauty. In the midst of an assault on my beauty I often stay strong and standing but shaken. I cling to a truth I know must be true, a truth that I can’t quite wrap my head around; that I am beautiful. I engage in the combat that surrounds me, at times growing weaker and falling to my knees, holding on, and pleading with Him to open my eyes and heart. I ask Him to help me grasp this “beauty” I am told I possess, and trust is there, though I can not, with my own eyes behold it. I know I know...it’s not what “truly” matters. I’ve heard that line countless times over the years. In fact, I myself have used it countless times trying to open the eyes of His beauties that surround me, yet, like me, they do not see it. It is the single most deadly war that wages in my heart. Let me clarify. It WAS the single most deadly war that raged in my heart.
September 7, 2009; not a particularly memorable day for many I am sure...unless the labor day holiday pulls on your heart strings. For me, however it was THE pinnacle moment of a life long relentless ambush on my heart.
The day started out to have great potential to be nothing but a twisted discouraging disappointment. Turning around to head back to the house almost immediately after we left to get something forgotten, sky overcast and day dreary, a few wrong turns because the GPS had a mind of its own, and then rain...and more rain...and more rain. Did I mention we were headed to the beach? Yet in the midst of adversity I had peace...Bethany started the day off with prayer, and it was a good thing she did because the moments that led up to the beach were wrought with undertones of frustration, hurt feelings, confusion, and dreary rain. He was all over it, in it, around it...I saw what the enemy was up to...I heard how he was trying to twist things between friends and I fought him with prayer. He filled me with peace. “My love,” I prayed, “you know we want you in all of this. We want you in the rain. I don’t know how a beach can be memorable and breathtaking in the rain but I trust it will be so. I trust You will not only meet us there, but, you are in fact already there anxiously awaiting our arrival.”
Running from the car to the hotel to check in, the rain trickled over us touching everything. It looked as if we had already been swimming luggage and all. We took everything up to the room and decided to brave the rain and not let it detour us. We felt in our hearts we were supposed to go to the beach, so go to the beach we did. It was a miracle the car held up through the flooded roads and didn’t stall...the angels surrounding our car must have been having a hay day playing in the puddles and keeping us safe and the car running. After pulling into the parking lot we all turned to each other and half smiled and grimaced at the thought of what we were about to do. The car doors flung open and we hurridely scampered out of the car quickly shutting the doors trying to keep our seats untouched by the rain. The rain was warm and gentle, like tears of joy gently flowing down someone’s face. The sand was wet and firm beneath our feet as we dashed toward the surf breaking on the beach. The waves were remarkable, powerful...the kind of power that reminds you He IS in control, He IS The Almighty, He IS omnipotent, and He IS in love with you.
For a short while we all went our seperate ways...looking for seashells, wading in the warm ocean water, and standing on the shore mesmerized by the waves wrestling with one another as they came crashing at our feet. We all convened briefly just to share our thoughts and what we were experiencing. Then came the sweet wonderful thought that forever changed my life. “What do you think about swimming in our underwear?” I was a goner. The thought hadn’t occurred to me. Before my response rolled off my lips I peeled off my layers of clothes down to my tank top and underwear and bolted for the ocean.
It was THE MOST astounding moment of my life. For the first time I saw what He saw...I saw how stunning I was, how breathtakingly beautiful I was. I was stripped down to my underwear and tank top, hair matted wet and sandy, no make up, no perfume, and I felt alive, free, and BEAUTIFUL. He played in the rain and waves with us, at times staring at us gaze steady, smiling and chuckling to Himself, shaking His head at what He was witnessing...completely enamored by His beauties as they were laughing, screaming, jumping, playing, diving, and trying their darndest to keep their underwear up while doing so. It was pure bliss. For a moment I felt life as it was meant to be, to me it was a glimpse of Eden, a promise of life, love, and bliss. On this day, you know, the one that had such great potential to be disheartening because of the rain and blah blah blah...He gave us an entire beach to ourselves. I mean honestly, who goes to the beach when it’s raining, even if their heart is pleading with them to do so? I hope you will...I did and it changed my life.
I cling to this moment. I cling to it with all my strength. I now have seen and experienced my true beauty. I now know what He has seen all along and it is a beauty that I can barely grasp and brings tears to my eyes. Hang on. It took so long to see what He’s been trying to show me for so many years. Each day I got closer and closer. I honestly don’t know how He contained Himself...knowing on this day I would finally see.
p.s. a little fyi Atlantic beach hadn’t seen as much rain as they did on labor day in one day even with hurricane’s, it was almost 8 inches of rain in 24 hours. The next morning we went to see the beach before leaving and the clouds gave way to the sun and the beach was alive with runners, walkers, beachcombers, surfers, and fishermen.
It astonishes me, what I need to endure and experience to get to the point in my life that He can open my eyes. Through these experiences I have come to this understanding: the things that cloud my vision, are the same that dim my heart and keep a significant part of me in captivity. I am stunned that some battles of my heart are won in one stand; yet one battle in particular lingers around and weakens me like kryptonite. What is the difference? How is it some attacks have no chance when they come back for a second round? Somehow, I steadily and confidently stand on the truth I experienced and lived through with the initial fight. The truth I felt and fought with enables me to bring any attempt for another round dismanteled and lifeless on the battlefield. So many great warriors have one great paralyzing weakness. It’s the only thing that keeps these women/men of God with supernatural strength, courage, and endurance from completely inihilating the enemy, IF the enemy has uncovered what it is. My frailty is beauty. In the midst of an assault on my beauty I often stay strong and standing but shaken. I cling to a truth I know must be true, a truth that I can’t quite wrap my head around; that I am beautiful. I engage in the combat that surrounds me, at times growing weaker and falling to my knees, holding on, and pleading with Him to open my eyes and heart. I ask Him to help me grasp this “beauty” I am told I possess, and trust is there, though I can not, with my own eyes behold it. I know I know...it’s not what “truly” matters. I’ve heard that line countless times over the years. In fact, I myself have used it countless times trying to open the eyes of His beauties that surround me, yet, like me, they do not see it. It is the single most deadly war that wages in my heart. Let me clarify. It WAS the single most deadly war that raged in my heart.
September 7, 2009; not a particularly memorable day for many I am sure...unless the labor day holiday pulls on your heart strings. For me, however it was THE pinnacle moment of a life long relentless ambush on my heart.
The day started out to have great potential to be nothing but a twisted discouraging disappointment. Turning around to head back to the house almost immediately after we left to get something forgotten, sky overcast and day dreary, a few wrong turns because the GPS had a mind of its own, and then rain...and more rain...and more rain. Did I mention we were headed to the beach? Yet in the midst of adversity I had peace...Bethany started the day off with prayer, and it was a good thing she did because the moments that led up to the beach were wrought with undertones of frustration, hurt feelings, confusion, and dreary rain. He was all over it, in it, around it...I saw what the enemy was up to...I heard how he was trying to twist things between friends and I fought him with prayer. He filled me with peace. “My love,” I prayed, “you know we want you in all of this. We want you in the rain. I don’t know how a beach can be memorable and breathtaking in the rain but I trust it will be so. I trust You will not only meet us there, but, you are in fact already there anxiously awaiting our arrival.”
Running from the car to the hotel to check in, the rain trickled over us touching everything. It looked as if we had already been swimming luggage and all. We took everything up to the room and decided to brave the rain and not let it detour us. We felt in our hearts we were supposed to go to the beach, so go to the beach we did. It was a miracle the car held up through the flooded roads and didn’t stall...the angels surrounding our car must have been having a hay day playing in the puddles and keeping us safe and the car running. After pulling into the parking lot we all turned to each other and half smiled and grimaced at the thought of what we were about to do. The car doors flung open and we hurridely scampered out of the car quickly shutting the doors trying to keep our seats untouched by the rain. The rain was warm and gentle, like tears of joy gently flowing down someone’s face. The sand was wet and firm beneath our feet as we dashed toward the surf breaking on the beach. The waves were remarkable, powerful...the kind of power that reminds you He IS in control, He IS The Almighty, He IS omnipotent, and He IS in love with you.
For a short while we all went our seperate ways...looking for seashells, wading in the warm ocean water, and standing on the shore mesmerized by the waves wrestling with one another as they came crashing at our feet. We all convened briefly just to share our thoughts and what we were experiencing. Then came the sweet wonderful thought that forever changed my life. “What do you think about swimming in our underwear?” I was a goner. The thought hadn’t occurred to me. Before my response rolled off my lips I peeled off my layers of clothes down to my tank top and underwear and bolted for the ocean.
It was THE MOST astounding moment of my life. For the first time I saw what He saw...I saw how stunning I was, how breathtakingly beautiful I was. I was stripped down to my underwear and tank top, hair matted wet and sandy, no make up, no perfume, and I felt alive, free, and BEAUTIFUL. He played in the rain and waves with us, at times staring at us gaze steady, smiling and chuckling to Himself, shaking His head at what He was witnessing...completely enamored by His beauties as they were laughing, screaming, jumping, playing, diving, and trying their darndest to keep their underwear up while doing so. It was pure bliss. For a moment I felt life as it was meant to be, to me it was a glimpse of Eden, a promise of life, love, and bliss. On this day, you know, the one that had such great potential to be disheartening because of the rain and blah blah blah...He gave us an entire beach to ourselves. I mean honestly, who goes to the beach when it’s raining, even if their heart is pleading with them to do so? I hope you will...I did and it changed my life.
I cling to this moment. I cling to it with all my strength. I now have seen and experienced my true beauty. I now know what He has seen all along and it is a beauty that I can barely grasp and brings tears to my eyes. Hang on. It took so long to see what He’s been trying to show me for so many years. Each day I got closer and closer. I honestly don’t know how He contained Himself...knowing on this day I would finally see.
p.s. a little fyi Atlantic beach hadn’t seen as much rain as they did on labor day in one day even with hurricane’s, it was almost 8 inches of rain in 24 hours. The next morning we went to see the beach before leaving and the clouds gave way to the sun and the beach was alive with runners, walkers, beachcombers, surfers, and fishermen.
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