Awhile back I was dropping off M.P., my brother's wife, at her house. On the 15 minute drive there we got into a heart related conversation, as we always do, and as I pulled into her drive way she looked at me and said..."You're smoking hot beautiful Anna. You need to stop hiding behind your sweats." My reaction was...jaw dropping silence for a couple minutes, tears streaming down my face and when I finally gained my composure all I could say was, "you're right. I do hide behind my sweats."
For so long I believed you had to be a certain size or weight to be beautiful. That comes from two areas. One of wounding and the other present day society. I know I've mentioned it before but to some degree for as long as I can remember I've had some issue with myself and beauty. It's not nearly the canyon of misconceptions it used to be. It's more like a crooked uneven sidewalk that trips me up now and then when I'm skipping or running distracted by the butterflies and pretty flowers He showers me with along the way.
Earlier today I was taking a bubble bath. I love bubble baths. They are hypnotic, relaxing, warm...I just melt into the tub and get lulled into a trance as I gaze at the flickering flames of the candles........ Anyway. Where was I...right I was relaxing in my glorious tub of bubbles, reading a book, and out of nowhere a comment my papa made to me a few years ago came to mind. The comment was spoken to me during my separation, after I had moved back in with him(my parents)...I had stepped out of my bedroom and he looked at me and said you are so beautiful. Which caught me of guard because it seemed so random. He went on to say...you know Anna, when you were younger I wanted to ask you why you never did your hair, or makeup, or got dressed up. I never understood why. Now...to some this may seem like nothing. I was in the midst of a devastating heart crushing separation/divorce. I didn't recognize anything in my life except a few things...My name was Anna. I was a nurse. I had a family. Those were the only recognizable things in my 30 years of existence. Everything else was gone. I had just started getting back my appetite and remembering I needed to eat. I had nothing to really even pick up and try to put back together. My heart felt like ground zero from a nuclear weapon bombing. The only thing that remained was a shadow that something had once existed, everything else completely disinergrated. Papa's words at the time felt like arrows directed at my already deeply wounded heart...his honesty and love filled comment got twisted and all I heard was...Anna you need to wear make up, dress up, and do your hair to be beautiful. I know my Papa. I know his heart and love for me. I now know that is not what he said and intended. This is how the enemy hits us when we're down...twisting words and their meanings. Anything to try to estrange us from those that love us. Anything to hurt us and try to isolate us so he has a better chance to keep us under his thumb.
Five years later...yes it has taken me five years...I am securely and confidently settled in my beauty. He unraveled the lies that tried to stuff me into a barbie sillhoutte of what beautiful looks like. He shattered the distorted images I saw when I looked in the mirror. He helped me understand what being a woman in His image meant. Opened my eyes to my true physical and spiritual beauty. It's His x factor in me. That thing that people can't quite put their finger on that makes me different. The thing that draws people in... Like ball of string to a kitten. The melodic hypnotizing songs of an ice cream truck. He draws people in. It's peace. Honesty. Love. Strength. Discernment. Wisdom. A child like faith and heart. Its how I see and know Him. Allowing people to breathe and be themselves. "You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful." 1 Peter 3:4-5.
Being raised in the church all my life I've heard lesson after lesson about being humble, meek, submissive. That beauty is the heart and not what you look like. Society says flaunt what God gave you. Buy this perfume. These jeans. This brand and you will appear beautiful. What I've found is...there is balance. Love being who you are. Be healthy. Take care of yourself. Wear something that make you feel feminine. Being a woman is a gift. Don't put it all out there...it's not for every man to see. But don't hide behind sweats either. Humility and meekness doesn't mean being unkempt and not valued. You are a priceless beauty. You have an x factor that He wants to unveil. Allow Him to unveil your beauty...the world will never be the same.
For so long I believed you had to be a certain size or weight to be beautiful. That comes from two areas. One of wounding and the other present day society. I know I've mentioned it before but to some degree for as long as I can remember I've had some issue with myself and beauty. It's not nearly the canyon of misconceptions it used to be. It's more like a crooked uneven sidewalk that trips me up now and then when I'm skipping or running distracted by the butterflies and pretty flowers He showers me with along the way.
Earlier today I was taking a bubble bath. I love bubble baths. They are hypnotic, relaxing, warm...I just melt into the tub and get lulled into a trance as I gaze at the flickering flames of the candles........ Anyway. Where was I...right I was relaxing in my glorious tub of bubbles, reading a book, and out of nowhere a comment my papa made to me a few years ago came to mind. The comment was spoken to me during my separation, after I had moved back in with him(my parents)...I had stepped out of my bedroom and he looked at me and said you are so beautiful. Which caught me of guard because it seemed so random. He went on to say...you know Anna, when you were younger I wanted to ask you why you never did your hair, or makeup, or got dressed up. I never understood why. Now...to some this may seem like nothing. I was in the midst of a devastating heart crushing separation/divorce. I didn't recognize anything in my life except a few things...My name was Anna. I was a nurse. I had a family. Those were the only recognizable things in my 30 years of existence. Everything else was gone. I had just started getting back my appetite and remembering I needed to eat. I had nothing to really even pick up and try to put back together. My heart felt like ground zero from a nuclear weapon bombing. The only thing that remained was a shadow that something had once existed, everything else completely disinergrated. Papa's words at the time felt like arrows directed at my already deeply wounded heart...his honesty and love filled comment got twisted and all I heard was...Anna you need to wear make up, dress up, and do your hair to be beautiful. I know my Papa. I know his heart and love for me. I now know that is not what he said and intended. This is how the enemy hits us when we're down...twisting words and their meanings. Anything to try to estrange us from those that love us. Anything to hurt us and try to isolate us so he has a better chance to keep us under his thumb.
Five years later...yes it has taken me five years...I am securely and confidently settled in my beauty. He unraveled the lies that tried to stuff me into a barbie sillhoutte of what beautiful looks like. He shattered the distorted images I saw when I looked in the mirror. He helped me understand what being a woman in His image meant. Opened my eyes to my true physical and spiritual beauty. It's His x factor in me. That thing that people can't quite put their finger on that makes me different. The thing that draws people in... Like ball of string to a kitten. The melodic hypnotizing songs of an ice cream truck. He draws people in. It's peace. Honesty. Love. Strength. Discernment. Wisdom. A child like faith and heart. Its how I see and know Him. Allowing people to breathe and be themselves. "You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful." 1 Peter 3:4-5.
Being raised in the church all my life I've heard lesson after lesson about being humble, meek, submissive. That beauty is the heart and not what you look like. Society says flaunt what God gave you. Buy this perfume. These jeans. This brand and you will appear beautiful. What I've found is...there is balance. Love being who you are. Be healthy. Take care of yourself. Wear something that make you feel feminine. Being a woman is a gift. Don't put it all out there...it's not for every man to see. But don't hide behind sweats either. Humility and meekness doesn't mean being unkempt and not valued. You are a priceless beauty. You have an x factor that He wants to unveil. Allow Him to unveil your beauty...the world will never be the same.
Anna! you are smokin hot:0)
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