It's been awhile.
Apparently I have to hash out, live in, see and feel things before I share and write them. It's been a couple months and whoa man...it's been I-N-S-A-N-E + C-R-A-Z-Y= RIDICULOUSLY INTENSE and LIFE ALTERING.
When isn't it though, huh. When isn't life not hold on to your pants for dear life or you will be flashing everyone and then some if you don't? I would have it N-O O-T-H-E-R W-A-Y!!!
So...I don't know about you, but when I pray, I talk to Him as if He is sitting right next to me. Sometimes He's across the room and we're bantering back and forth. Other times He holds my face in His hands gently bringing my gaze up to His. He'll sit beside me, hold my hand, rub my shoulders, cross His arms and give me "that" look-yes you know the one(that's when I know I'm in trouble), sit on the floor legs crossed head resting on his hands gazing at me, stand in front of me and won't let me by until I talk, He likes to punch me in the arm when I'm being ridiculous, and more often than not He's rolling on the floor in laughter-at/with-me. That's how we do. I ramble ALOT. In my ramblings words, thoughts, stuff just flows from my heart...it just spills out onto my journal pages, out of my mouth, through my tears/laughter/choice words. A reoccurring statement I've whispered, shouted, thought is...I want you in everything. EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Leave nothing untouched by you. I want to see you, hear you, feel you in it ALL. In the midst of my pleas...I should have somehow highlighted it, starred it, put it in italics or something to remind me this right here is huge...this is not a small request Anna. Take note. Remember. You asked, no you cried and pleaded for this.
*sigh* That Guy. He listens SO closely. You know He heard my crazed ranting and raving?! Yep. He not only heard it but He took it very seriously and has been giving it to me ever since. I was pretty oblivious to what He was up to for awhile. All I knew is I felt like I was constantly being taught something...I'd get the budget thing and then be dealing with the beauty thing and understand new truths there and then things from my past I haven't thought of in three years come out of nowhere grazing the surface of my heart. There is no pause. He doesn't say, "Wow Anna you get a break because you are seeing this." It's more like, "yes you see this, now let me open your heart and show you this." As stretching and challenging as it is, that's what I love most about Him. Give Him an inch and He'll pursue you, shock and awe you, grow you until you take your last breath and see Him face to face.
In the fog of it all, He graciously took a deep breath and slowly yet steadily blew away the thick disorienting misconceptions and accusations I was hearing and fighting. They did not lift without a fight...however, in time, they do dissipate.
Now I see. More. Now I understand. More. Now I live. More. Love. More. Fight. More. Ask. More...yep I do.
Know if you ask Him to be in everything...He will be. If you ask to see Him in everything...He will show you. Hold on to those pants...or don't-it could make for an interesting unforgettable time in your life.
PART 2...soon to come
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