I-N + E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G= in absolutely irrevocably EVERYTHING. Part 2

What is your heart calling you to?

There are so many things I want to do and learn; martial arts, run a marathon of some sort(there's a half marathon in Israel I really want to run), rock climb, boxing, belly dancing, speak arabic/hebrew/chinese/italian/greek, go to Greece/Israel/Italy/Seychelles Islands/Devils pool in Africa... It all seems so far out of reach and silly. Why is it I want what I can not afford and physically not do? The thought of these things excite me, like a little girl with tiara on, frilly skirt twirling, mom's kinda high heel shoes in place, lipstick in hand, jewelry glistening...the prince is on his way...then discouragement starts to set in. There's no way. Nice dream. But not reality.

Brandon. The name has new meaning to me. Sweat. Pain. Hyperventilation. Fear. Intimidation. Challenge. Weakness. Humility. Strength. Encouragement. Belief. Limits. PUSHING limits to the point of exhaustion and muscle failure. Muscle confusion. I didn't know you could push your muscles to the point of not contracting/functioning let alone confuse them...until I met Brandon. Brandon is my personal trainer. He is part of the answer to God being in everything. It seems he is the jump start to my desires becoming reality.

I-N E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G part 1 I mentioned that I'm in a constant state of learning and seeing, as a result I've also been in a constant state of humility and repentance. I can honestly say there is nothing more humbling than someone witnessing your weaknesses. Over and over and over. The first thing I learned training with Brandon is how ridiculously weak I was and how many things I couldn't do well or at all. One of the most challenging things for me at first was to acknowledge the weakness and attempt to push through it. Finish out the set of rep's with the weights even if it meant Brandon helping me. Push until I couldn't push anymore and then still try to push. Humbling. To push with all your might while physically getting help from someone else contradicts the independence and prove it attitude I've had for so long. Humbling.

Through training I found I've been unconsciously living in fear and limitations. A quiet battle that has been brewing in my heart for years. Training brought it to the forefront and it has quickly become survival of the fittest...lucky for me my heart is stronger than steel.

About a month ago I found out I didn't know how to jump. You can laugh...I was in shock. Brandon decided to switch everything up, because that's how he rolls, and we were going to do something called plyometrics. It is worse than it sounds trust me. One of the "stations" was a wooden box that I had to jump up on. Now in my defense this was not a run and jump kind of exercise. I'm just saying. This was a stand no more than a couple inches from the box and just jump up onto it. The box was 18 inches high-I know this because it said 18 on it, and we all know I'm barely taller than that, SO I literally froze when it was my turn to jump. I was so frustrated. I almost jumped countless times, and then he finally said ok lets do this, put your hands on the box and jump up on it. I was able to muster up the strength to do that, but in my mind I was so frustrated. It was then I realized I never recalled a time in my life I ever just jumped up on something like that before, except maybe a front porch stair. Why? Why had I never jumped up onto something like that before. I am 33 years old and I am just now learning how to jump. I mean, come on you've gotta be kidding me here.

So then I got to thinking. What else have I never done...it was in that moment I realized I have no idea of what I'm really capable of. I have all of these limits set in my mind of what I can and can't do and the majority of them are simply because I've never even attempted to do them. Now that's freakin' ridiculous if you ask me. My limits were nothing more than smoke and mirrors. A bunch of b.s. really. Where did they come from? How could I allow them to take such a hold of my life all this time? How long had I been selling myself short? For 33 years that's how long...

Fear. It's a driving paralyzing force that will keep you from becoming the woman/man you were made to be. It keeps us in a false sense of security and blahness. Yes blahness...colors are pale, every day is ok-pretty good, life is routine. BLAH. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "do something every day that scares you." There is nothing more risque or terrifying than...facing your fears: jumping off the deep end of the pool without plugging your nose, walking in the soft gooey muckey water of a pond or stream, pushing past limits you've held yourself to just because you believed or were told it was all you were capable of, jumping onto an 18 inch wooden box, speaking up when it would be easier to keep quiet, allowing Him to take you into the deep dark places of your heart because it hurts-makes you angry-is shameful-is dirty-is lonely, asking Him to be in everything and to show you just how He is...

Fear...it is a driving force in my heart and life that propels me froward. To overcome and conquer it. To yell in its face, direction, or it's space...That's right you're my *!#@! It's exhilarating. It's terrifying. It's a process that sends me running to Him.

I come angry, afraid, hurt, ashamed, weak...and He says let Me shine a little light here Anna...this is the truth...

YOU CAN!!!

TRUST ME.

JUST DO IT.

I BELIEVE IN YOU...Always have. Always will.

Belief. I didn't realize how little belief I had in myself. I didn't realize how much He believed in me. I didn't know how much I am capable of...He through Brandon, through soul friends-...has brought me to a deeper understanding of me. He is showing me there really isn't a limit that can't be conquered and pushed. My disbelief and doubt are my limits.

The knowledge that He believes, my dear ones believe, Brandon believes, is life altering. The lies I've believed most of my life still whisper you're going to fail. You can't do this. You're too weak. You're going to have to quit. They put up a pretty good fight...but not good enough. I push, I sweat, I cry(yes I have cried it's awful), I hyperventilate, I cuss under my breath, I think very bad thoughts, and I push every single limit put before me...it took a couple weeks of interacting with Him about the stupid box...it took going back to the room it was in and toying with the idea and then almost copping out...it took a shout of belief in me...a few shouts from someone actually and I jumped up on the freakin' piece of wood...not once but three times for good measure...I still have a hard time believing it. I still freeze at the thought of doing it again...but I did it and I'll do it again. Cuz that's me. That's who I am.

Limits. It's only one way He's shown me He's in my training, there have been so many things He's brought light and truth to with training. One facet of my life. 1-2 hours, three days a week. All of this just with one sliver of my life...

He is incomparable...incomprehensible...in everything...

Asking Him to push you through your limits...your disbelief and doubts...

YOU CAN. TRUST HIM. JUST DO IT. HE BELIEVES IN YOU...and so do I!!!